Bienvenue a le camp de Français! Welcome to French Camp.
French camp is not for the faint of heart. I’m looking at you Olivia. You look out of breath and we have only just carried the baguettes to the archery station.
French camp is conducted always in French. The reason I am not speaking French is not important. All the other counselors speak in French and you should too. I will be speaking English with a French accent and saying “c’est cool” or “je n’aime pas danser” a lot
Faire attention, Jackson! I can see that you are uncomfortable wearing your uniform: one black dress. Well, too bad. This is what French people own, as we learned from that Ted Talk about French culture where the American lived as a nanny for French people for a year, so that’s what you have to wear.
French camp has really good food and you must eat it very slowly because dinner lasts from 8pm until midnight. For breakfast, you must drink your entire bowl of coffee and you must not eat all of the pastries. You must slowly nibble them but sit at the table from 9am until noon. Got it? Emma, don’t step into the brie. Those brie triangles are bases for the softball game later. Oh merde. It’s ruined. Great, Emma. Travail bien.
At French camp, we drink a lot of wine, but you must never get drunk. I know that most of you are about six years old. I don’t care. It is not too young. I think this is how the French think based on some chatrooms I visited. But, I repeat, don’t get drunk. The French always have a glass of wine in their hand, yet rarely appear drunk. Follow suite, Sophia, Malcolm and Houston. Also, Houston, your name is far too American. From now on you will be called Baz. Got it, Baz? Good. And lose that smile. You are way too happy. I need a little more . . . je ne sais quoi . . .pessimism from you. I know you are a child but I do not care.
Okay, let’s get going to our first activity: sitting crossed legged while drinking espresso! Your parents are going to thank me for this one. Allez! Allez!