Bonjour tout le monde! I’m sorry it’s been a while. I’ve had quite a July. Let me tell you about it, Frida.
So, listen. I know I invited you out to lunch to celebrate your recent promotion at your unknown workplace, but I have no idea what this promotion entails. You are a data sourcing manager? Yes, those are words but what do they mean? Not to dismiss your entire career, but it doesn’t sound like a real thing.
So, while we wait to order, I’ll tell you about something real: my MFA basketball team.
I graduated from my Masters in Fine Arts program in Fiction with a concentration in basketball. You know how I texted you a while ago about my MFA basketball team: The New England Flash Fictions? Well, this is that team.
We are D-1 in the Northeast Poetry Sport League (PSL). The fiction players are very good at attacking (good hand eye coordination), while the nonfiction players are better at defense (people often question their personal essays so they are used to blocks and checks and stuff like that). The poets are really good at jump shots as they can easily ascend from the literal to the abstract. Yes, of course there is a doping problem, Frida. Why’d you even bring that up? Are you data sourcing right now? Is that what this is?
Anyway, we went into the regionals and we won. I am happy to show you these photos on my phone, if you’ll just lean over here. No, that smell isn’t the velour booths of this moderately priced chain restaurant. I’m wearing wool and it’s wet. Sorry we don’t all own seasonally appropriate clothing, Frida.
This photo is of me giving an inspiring motivational lecture before our game in the final four. We dress in regular clothes and put these jerseys over it. Yes, I run in leather boots. What is the name of your company, LinEx? LemEx? Lemons? I have no idea. I know the logo is a blue circle and a grey circle but that tells me nothing.
Oh, what? The waitress? She’s here now. She can hear me saying this?
Ah, yes, hello, I’ll have the tuna sandwich but can you make it with breadsticks instead of bread? And I’ll have half fries and half salad, yes–the unlimited option that combines both choices. They’ve made it for me before. Don’t worry. Yes, I will have another raspberry iced tea but can you also order me a glass of house pinot grigio and then check back here and when I’m about 1/4 done with this glass of wine, immediately place an order for another glass, but make it a pink zin and then follow that by a glass of cold milk? And is your name pronounced “Dahria” or “Dare-ia?” I’m going to need to know for the comment card which I intend to fill out. And, I require a senior discount. I know I appear young, but I swear to you that I’m 65 years of age. Please don’t make this embarrassing for both of us Doraya.
So anyway, we didn’t win the final. The other team was really good. They were beat poets and experimental fiction writers. They had moves I’ve never seen. To give you an idea, they entered the court by snapping. That’s pretty much all I need to say. I got a bloody nose immediately. It was stressful. I don’t want to talk about it. But, I will, if you insist.
Oh you have to leave? I was going to order you the free double chocolate caramel brownie as a celebration, but if you have to go then I’ll just “like” your update on LinkedIn.
Okay, that’s fine. If that’s what you you want. I’ll just be here with my milk clicking the generic “Congratulations on your new position” pre-written words.